I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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