i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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