omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
