last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
