i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
