And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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