I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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