i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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