i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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