I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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