I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
