Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
