dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
