He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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