You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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