One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
