I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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