3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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