Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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