i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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