Can i not drive my cunt home
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
