I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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