I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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