I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
