Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
