How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
