We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
