awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
