there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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