Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
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