I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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