so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dignity is for republicans.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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