Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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