I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
