bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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