just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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