You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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