it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
