You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
