You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
