i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
