no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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