All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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