fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
