Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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