I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
