Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
