I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
