Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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