so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's the barista slut.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
