Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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