Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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