I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
