My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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