what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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