my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
