I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
