im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
