Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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