Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
