can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
