I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize