I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
