I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
