will power is for people who don't want to get laid
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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