i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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